Hello, Emotional Week

I do not look forward to you.

So, I was sitting in church tonight and I had a revelation... had nothing to do with the sermon, but it was still a good revelation. Up until now, I've been completely freaking out about leaving for college, but I was sitting there thinking about all the wonderful things God has done in my life and it hit me: every step in my life has been leading up to now. Every thing that has happened has been to shape me for the rest of my life. Every trial, every lesson. They've all been leading to now. Now is when I really become who I'll be for the rest of my life. Now is a big moment, but I have peace. My parents have taught me so many things that I wouldn't know without them teaching me. And of course, my wonderful Saviour has taught me so much. I know He'll teach me more, but I'm so thankful for what he's already taught me.
Now it all begins. It doesn't slow down from here. It keeps moving at a quick pace. It doesn't stop until I'm home. And you know what? I'm not scared. God's always been so good to me, what makes me think it can't just keep getting better?

Your Grace Still Amazes Me

Your love is still a mystery...

So, everyone likes acceptance, right? Duh! People always want acceptance from someone in their lives. From their mom or dad or friends or whomever it may be, we all want acceptance. We all want to be worth something to someone and not be scared of being abandoned by anyone because you want to be worth it for someone to stick around in your life. Then the day comes and someone tells you that you're worth it to them and you feel overjoyed and relieved. But you know what? I've been worth it all along. My whole life and even before I was born, I was worth it. I was worth it to the One who has loved me before time ever was in existence. ''For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son...'' I've always been of worth to my Saviour and had a major wake up call to that.
But as worthy as I may be to Him, how much more worthy is He? He is worthy of all praise. Worthy of our love and service and obedience. Worthy of our worship. He's more than worthy.

Song Idea

I need Your peace- I can't keep fighting
I need Your grace- I keep on falling
I'm giving up, I'm letting go
My soul so needs Your control

What would I do without You?
Where would I run when I need to hide?
Sometimes I can get so filled with pride
Only to fall again
What would I do without You?

I need Your love- I'm left alone again
I need to hide- I can't keep running this charade
I'm giving up, I'm letting go
My soul so needs Your control

What would I do without You?
Where would I run when I need to hide?
Sometimes I can get so filled with pride
Only to fall again
What would I do without You?

Higher Standards

God can truly do amazing things. Life can be amazing and wonderful when He's in control. Other people around you won't automatically be as joyful or happy, and you still have to keep patience, but when you're living for Him and pursuing your relationship with Him, life can be awesome.

Growing closer to Him and learning more about Him makes me want to honor and love Him with everything in me. God is Love. Digest that. God = love. God created love based off of Himself because He is love embodied. When you grow closer to Him, you experience firsthand His pure and righteous love. It's an amazing feeling having an intimate relationship with Your Saviour, the One who loves you more than anyone else. Simply amazing. Because of that pure and perfect love, it inspires you to emulate what you find in it. It makes you want to do something pleasing for Him because you're learning His love and finding it's so wonderful.

It's like being hungry and someone puts chocolate lava cake in front of you and says, ''Enjoy! I made this especially for you.'' You want more and more because of the wonderful taste.

Anyway, God bless!

Apostrophe to Life

Dear Life,
I know we've had our ups and downs, but you're not that bad. I try to look for the good in you but sometimes it's very hard. I'll keep trying, though.
It seems like sometimes you choose me to pick on in particular. Is that kind of like when a little kid like another little kid and decides to pick on them to show it? Because I only like you as a friend. Not to be rude or anything.
If it's at all possible, could you allow me somehow to be introduced to Nick Jonas? I'd appreciate that immensely.

Love,
Special K

Oh yeah, I'm a nerd.

We've all seen them. In church, school, out and about... the people with big glasses that look like they can't breathe(because they can't) and they're talking about Start Wars or something. I have slowly started becoming that person. I have a strange desire to wear my glasses more and more and wear cardigans. I can't breathe half of the day. I think I'm going to get a sweater vest soon...

So, don't make fun of us when you see us next time. Don't think, ''Where's your calculator, dweeb?'' It hurts our feelings. Thank you for your consideration.

Does getting older

Mean you continually lose friends?
I guess there's always going to be drama in life. But why does one person or instance have to completely alter a relationship? Why can't we all be mature enough to move on and stop being so wrapped up in ''Oh, they hurt me, I could never forgive them for saying that!'' Maybe we should all look at what some one's saying as constructive criticism and work to be better people. Humans have always wanted to be better, so why can't we chill out a little and reflect. Yeah, it may hurt for the moment, but let's try to be mature and work through it, not give up on the relationship altogether.

Just sayin'.

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, I finally know where I'm going to college. It's a very happy feeling knowing where I'm going to spend the next four years of my life. So very nice.
Life is moving forward. Hope I can follow it's speed. I now understand what the kids I knew graduating when I was just starting high school were feeling. I really is like a hot pink non-stick frying flying towards your face and you can't run from it. I wonder what happens when it hits you... if it hits you. Maybe when it hits you, all the pinkness turns into glitter or something and it all turns out happy. Or you get hit and have a bump on your head for the rest of your life. Hmmm. Great.

So...

I watched The Boy in Striped Pajamas again. Still as good as the first time. It is incomprehensible that one man could hate an entire race of people so much. To have been able to have killed several thousands of them is horrifying. We try to forget it ever happened because of all of the pain and death associated with it, but if we forget, we don't learn from history's mistakes. We regress instead of progress.

Basically the story line for the movie is about the holocaust and a German family during that time. The father(in the army) is promoted so the family has to move closer to an extermination camp. And he wasn't allowed to tell anyone it was an extermination camp. So, the son, Bruno, starts asking his mom about the farmers in pajamas, a.k.a., Jews. And so he's not allowed out of the yard because of his strong curiosity. But he runs away anyway and gets to the camp and meets a lttle boy who lives there and they become friends. Tons of stuff happens in between, but eventually the boy in the camp can't find his father, because he's been killed, so Bruno tries to help him find him by sneaking over to the camp. Them and quite a few other men get ushered into a building and are told it's only a shower... then the nazis open the top and pour in gas and the little boys died together holding hands. And you can hear the men crying and beating on the doors- then it stops.

Okay, admittedly not the happiest story, but a very good, emotionally-moving one.

''And this is love...

Not that I have first loved You. And this is love, that You have first loved me. You gave up Your life, one Perfect Sacrifice. And this is love...''

It's so disappointing when YouTube doesn't have the video for the songs stuck in your head. Every other song on the album- yes. The one you want? No... no.

Anyway, happy Easter! Pretty much one of the best holidays because we celebrate the fact that our Saviour died for us because He loved us and gave Himself for us and came back to life in His own power 'cause He's just amazing like that.

Can you imagine being different from everyone else and because of that they hate you and mock you and then kill you? I realize that this was sadly necessary, but human nature really reveals itself to be completely wicked again. It's ironic- we're always searching for better things in life. Better ways to live, better ways to be better, but Best comes along and we killed Him. But He still loved us enough to die for us... amazing.

Once It's Gone

Once a piece of your heart is gone, it's gone forever. We usually don't realize that until it's too late. You can't go up to whoever or whatever has a piece of your heart and demand it back. Once it's gone, it's gone.

We usually don't realize until it's too late to trust God completely with our hearts. He still wants us to love others and have relationships with them. He had a relationship with His family and disciples and His children. We can't always judge if someone will tear the piece of our hearts that we gave them, but we can let God fill the void that stays in our hearts.

It's like when you're a kid and you saw one of those boxes that has all the different shaped holes and only certain shapes will fit in them. When we try to fill the void in our hearts without God, it's like trying to fit the crescent shaped block into the rectangle. It just doesn't work.

Even though hearts get broken doesn't mean there's not a cure. God is the cure for broken hearts.

You're in My Rug

This song is dedicated to Erica who told me I needed to write a song about rugs... But this is kind of for Amanda, 'cause her's was the only name that fit.


This thing we call life is like a rug
There's people you like and people you bug
You see different faces and go different places
So many places you can go, but there's something you should know


chorus:
You're in my rug
You're in my heart
You're all making my life a piece of art
Thank you for being in my rug

My friend Bug is in my rug
Every time I see her we hug
We've seen different faces, gone different places
So many places we've gone, but there's something you should know

chorus:
You're in my rug
You're in my heart
You're all making my life a piece of art
Thank you for being in my rug





Yes, this song was purposefully cheesy... I don't think you can be too serious when you're singing about rugs.

Um, I was really creative

And wrote another song...


Amazed

It's been a long day and nothing's goin' my way
But I can't complain 'cause You're amazing
No matter what other people may say,
It doesn't mean a thing 'cause I have You

chorus:
You amaze me with every word You say
Even in my wretched state You love me
You amaze me
Even when I'm down and out
Looks like I'm staying for the count, You save me
You amaze me

You're my Protection and High Tower
Your love and joy gives me laughter
You heal my soul, take full control
Only You can make me whole

You amaze me with every word You say
Even in my wretched state, You love me
You amaze me
Even when I'm down and out
Looks like I'm staying for the count, You save me
You're amazing

bridge:
Traveling this road hasn't always been easy
Seems like I trip and fall every few feet
But You're always there to pick me up
Put me back on my feet and lead me on

I was feeling creative...

So, I wrote a song.



I Come to You

At the end of the day I come to You.
When it's all said and done I come to You.
I find relief, I find joy.

When I lose my way, I come to You.
For all that I've been through, I come to You.
I find peace, I find love.

I don't fear because I come to You.
I know You've always seen me through so I come to You.

I find relief, I find joy, I find peace, and I find love
When I come to You. I know You'll see me through,
So I come to You.

Storytime

How I Met Sean Faris: A Short and Slightly Fictional Story by Kaylee Conway-Faris

Once upon a time there was a girl named Kaylee. She was walking through the park one day meditatively pondering life while staring at the ground. Coming in the opposite direction was a boy named Sean. Sean was a very handsome young man who was also meditatively pondering life while staring at the ground. As fate would have it, they ran, or walked, into each other since they were both looking at the ground. They looked up into each other's eyes about to say, ''I'm sorry'' but something clicked inside of them and they knew they would be together forever.

The End

I Answered My Own Question

Question: If you're friends with someone but don't always get along with them because something may have happened, do you try to be a better friend or give up on that friendship?

Answer: You should always be a good friend, but if the other person has given up, not much you can do about it.


Now, I would like to give a shoutout to my good friends.

Jesus- You are always there for me, day or night, and I literally wouldn't be alive without You. You mean so much to me and I love You so much.

Eric- Dude, you're awesome. You can always make me laugh even when I feel like crying. You're always supportive of me and I'm very thankful for that. Without you, the world would be a very boring and generally sad place.

Amanda- You're pretty much amazing. No, you are amazing. I'm so thankful to be your friend. Without you, I'd have nothing to do most of the time. I love you!

Erica- You're awesome, too. Even thought it freaks me out when you say something out loud that I'm thinking, you're still pretty awesome. Without you, Saturday would be the worst day of the week. Love ya!

''I'm only me, who I wanna be, when I'm with you.''

Friendship

''A man that hath friends must show himself friendly.''

Question: If you're friends with someone but don't always get along with them because something may have happened, do you try to be a better friend or give up on that friendship?

Excuse Me As I Step Onto This Soapbox

When we see someone in a fault, why do we start judging them?

''But why dost thou judge thy brother? or why doest thou set at nought thy brother? for we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ.''- Romans 14:10

We're no better. We had to be saved from sin, too. Because of our sin, we have no right to judge others for their sins.

''Brethren, if a man be over-taken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.''-Galatians 6:1.

The purpose of the church is to bring people to Christ and edify them in the Lord, not tear them down. If you are or weren't saved, would you really want the life of someone who constantly judges people? We're a light to the world, but we keep putting the bush of judgmental ism over our lights.

''I therefore, the prisoner of the LORD, beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called, With all lowliness and meekness, with long suffering, forbearing one another in love; Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.''- Ephesians 4:1-3

And I'm not saying all this to get on to the judgmental, I'm saying this because this a problem in Christianity today. We're not following Christ's example when we judge people. God alone is worthy to judge.

Selfish

It's one of those days were I don't feel like being around people. I've felt that way for a couple of days. I just want some time alone to read, sleep, eat- all by myself. But, God reminded me that it's not always about what I what I want. It's not always about how I feel. I can think, ''I don't want to deal with your problem today, I want to be alone.'' But the ministry is all about people. It's about encouraging and edifying. It doesn't always matter what you think you need, it's about doing what you know God, who knows best, wants you to do for Him.

Why are we so afraid to admit weakness? Why are we afraid people will think less of us when they realize we're not perfect? No one's perfect, so why can't we admit it?

Pride.

We're too prideful. We have to be perfect or we seem to fall apart because then we realize that we're not perfect like we think people think we are.

Just because all of the world is a stage, doesn't mean we have to act all the time.

Recitals and Cupcakes

So, I had my last recital here on Saturday. I was surprised at how it went down. I'm just satisfied that God let me play for Him. I didn't completely freak out, and that is an act of God. Normally, I freak out and can't stop shaking the entire time. Didn't really shake till the end. And I even played a song from memory. I can finally look back on a recital with a fond memory. Weird. After the recital was a chili dinner. I'm glad we got to stay and hang out with other people. And there were cupcakes, so no complaints there.

People kept asking me, ''Where are you going to college?'' me:''I have no idea.'' them:''Oh... I'll be praying for you.''

It'd be nice to know. Really nice. Really really nice. *sigh* Man, I feel old right now.

Bowing out gracefully can be hard.

Oh, Facebook

What would we do without you?

I was just reading on a fan page about forwarding those texts about having to send it because God will love you or something. Anyway, there were a lot of non-Christians on there talking about how they think God isn't real, yada yada yada. Someone on there had a very good point, though.

''hey - (and anyone else who wants to look), I'm so sorry that you have such a bad opinion of Christians. its our fault that we don't show Christ's love enough and that we can be seen as real bigots and morons. i apologize that because of our sins, you've been given a wrong view of God's pure love.i noticed that you asked the question why we don't just kill ourselves to be with God since that's what we believe. the answer to that is you. God loves you, and He commands His children to show and spread His love. He knows you so much better than even you know yourself. it breaks His heart that you haven't come to know Him. i pray (and i really mean that) that you will come to know Him as your Lord and Savior.''

''I wonder, have I cared enough for others, or have I let them die alone? I might have helped a wanderer to the Saviour, the seed of precious life I might have sown. How many are the lost that I have lifted? How many are the chained I've helped to free? I wonder have I done my best for Jesus when He has done so much for me?''- Have I done My Best for Jesus

''The answer to that is you.'' God didn't immediately take us to heaven when we got saved because we're here to reach the lost. If you were on trial for being a Christian, would there be enough evidence?